


Family Portrait

by superwholockfangirl



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Childhood Trauma, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Gay Keith (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, I promise, I'm writing instead of sleeping, Keith and Lance are in love, Lance (Voltron) is a Good Boyfriend, Lance has no idea what's going on, Lance's family is the best, M/M, Okay maybe not, Only mentioned though, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Rape/Non-con, Sorry Not Sorry, Stripper AU, Stripper Keith (Voltron), Suicidal Thoughts, The story is better than the summary, Trauma, Traumatized Keith, broganes, but not like you think, shiro is a great big brother
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-10-30 14:57:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20774354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superwholockfangirl/pseuds/superwholockfangirl
Summary: - - - - - - - -If Shiro was honest, he had no idea how he had ended up here. It was dark and cold and the wetness of the air was seeping through his torn leatherjacket as he went through the almost empty street. The neon lights of the cheap shops he passed by hurt his eyes and the distant smell of smoke was in the air.He looked around feeling slightly uncomfortable in this environment. How did Keith probably fit into this setting?He clutched the book tight that he was holding under his jacket to protect it from the rain. The feeling of the leathern cover brushing against his fingertips was reassuring and unnerving at the same time; familiar on the one side, unsettling because of the content, on the contrary. This book; he had brooded over it for the past week. It had bored its way into his brain torturing him like a never-ending nightmare, the voice in his head reading page after page to him every minute of the day leaving him restless and desperate.- - - - - - - -Two years after Keith ran away from home without explanation, Shiro finds out something that makes him question his childhood, his past and his family. He starts searching for his brother but what he finds isn't what he expected.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! New story! I'm going to add tags and warnings as the story goes because I don't want to spoiler you too much. If you're easily triggered by something you can write it in the comments and I tell you if you should continue to read this or not. For now you should know that there won't be a major character death and that I only write Happy Endings. Life is sad enough:)  
Also, I'm not a native speaker and still learning so you're free to correct me if I make a mistake.

If Shiro was honest, he had no idea how he had ended up here. It was dark and cold and the wetness of the air was seeping through his torn leatherjacket as he went through the almost empty street. The neon lights of the cheap shops he passed by hurt his eyes and the distant smell of smoke was in the air.

He looked around feeling slightly uncomfortable in this environment. How did Keith probably fit into this setting?

Ruefully, he thought about the old days when Keith was still living with them. Then again, he felt like he had missed out on a lot back then too.

He clutched the book tight that he was holding under his jacket to protect it from the rain. The feeling of the leathern cover brushing against his fingertips was reassuring and unnerving at the same time; familiar on the one side, unsettling because of the content, on the contrary. This book; he had brooded over it for the past week. It had bored its way into his brain torturing him like a never-ending nightmare, the voice in his head reading page after page to him every minute of the day leaving him restless and desperate.

Finally, the building he had looked out for came into his view. It was a shabby joint with dark gray walls and a red neon sign that said “_Desire_”. Next to it was a picture of a shirtless man in cowboy boots and matching hat that was pole-dancing with his lasso in the other hand. _Very tasty_. Shiro couldn’t believe Keith was working in such a dive.

He swallowed approaching the no confidence-inspiring bar. He had been in similar places once or twice and this certainly wasn’t a place he wanted his little brother to go to, even less work at.

“18$ for looking, 35$ for a lap dance. No touching. Only exception to that are the performers when you slip them money. If you overdo it, you’ll be kicked out and won’t get your money back. We have strict rules here.”

Shiro glared at the bouncer. A sign informed him about today being _Oldies Night_. He clunked twenty dollar on the table not even waiting for the change before he left the small lobby and went through the red bead curtain following the music.

_One night with you is what I'm now praying for_

_The things that we two could plan would make my dreams come true_

Shiro found himself in a room that looked way bigger than it had appeared from the outside. To his left was a bar and to his right, curtains separated this main room from a few private chambers that were probably used for the visitors that bought lap dances. _Privacy_!, Shiro huffed. In the middle of the room was a stage with two poles, a gangway that was leading there from a small chamber in the background that probably led to the changing rooms and bar stools all around it. In the attempt to make this place look less uncomfortable, it had been overstuffed with red cushion which added to the cheap appearance.

_Just call my name and I'll be right by your side_

_I want your sweet helping hand my loves too strong to hide_

Elvis was blasting through a speaker making Shiro shudder. The last time he had heard this song was with Keith and his Mum shortly before she died. She’d had a huge record collection that they would listen to every Sunday afternoon. After her death, he hadn’t dared to put them on again. It was disturbing to hear this song in this completely different context. He needed to get Keith out of here! Well, first he had to find him.

_Always lived, very quiet life I ain't never did no wrong_

_Now I know that life without you has been too lonely too long_

Shiro let his eyes run over the crowd. There were probably two to three dozen people standing in front of the bar or loitering around the stage. Mostly men, he noticed. So far, Keith was nowhere to be seen and Shiro hoped for the love of god that he wasn’t in one of that private cabins with some drunk pervert that- wait a minute!

His eyes were caught by one of the dancers. The dim light of the spotlights were focused on his body more than his face and with the slender figure of a young man and the obscene moves he made with his hips, he hadn’t recognized him at first. _Oh god_!

Keith was wearing something that -with much fantasy- could be described as tight leather shorts that barely covered his dignity. The way they clung to his groin and hugged his ass left very little to the imagination. Around his neck, he was wearing a fake police badge and on his head he had a police cap. So much for oldies! His hair was longer than Shiro remembered it and he might’ve grown an inch or two but this was definitely his little brother.

Shiro watched a man in his late thirties lean forward grinning to slip two dollars under his brother’s belt with the fake gun and handcuffs and before he knew it, he had surged forward, made his way through the crowd and pushed the man away from Keith.

“What the hell?!”, the guy slurred obviously drunk.

But Shiro didn’t mind him any further because now he had Keith’s full attention. His brother’s eyes widened in shock. “Shiro?!”

The older boy shrugged out of his jacket ignoring the men who began to complain because he had interrupted the performance. He quickly climbed onto the stage and threw his jacket around his brother’s shoulders in the attempt to cover him. This was not how he’d wanted their reunion to go but he couldn’t stand these grown-ups perving on his kid brother like that. Especially, after what he knew now.

“Shiro, what are you doing?”

“I’m here to take you home.”, he stated. It was two years since he last had seen his brother and he wanted nothing more than to pull Keith into his arms but something kept him back. Maybe it was the distance in the younger boy’s eyes that made him regret for the hundredth time that he hadn’t come sooner.

“I’m working here! You can’t just-“

“That’s not work! These guys are pervert and-“ Before Shiro could finish his sentence, Keith had pushed his jacket back into his arms and stormed off the stage.

Shiro ignored the crowd booing and the doorkeeper approaching him and quickly followed his brother. Keith was just about to throw over a gown when Shiro entered. “I’m sorry, I freaked out on you at stage.”, he apologized, “I was just… shocked, I guess.”

“Well, what did you expect when you came here? Besides, it’s only a job.” Keith still didn’t look exactly happy with his arms crossed in front of his chest like this, but he didn’t appear to be about to run away from him again either.

“I’m not here to fight you.”, Shiro said softly.

“Why are you here then? I haven’t heard from you in two years.”

“You didn’t exactly give me your address.” Which had hurt. A lot. But with all he knew now, he could understand.

“I didn’t say it was your fault.”

“But it is, isn’t it?”

“What are you talking about?” Keith inquired continuing to avoid to meet Shiro’s gaze.

Keith refused to directly look at him like just being with Shiro brought back so many painful memories he had to distance himself from the situation. It hurt, but he couldn’t blame him. Carefully, he pulled out the book. Now, he couldn’t go back.

He watched Keith’s eyes widen when he recognized his old diary and for a moment, the invisible wall Keith had built around himself keeping Shiro out, crumbled. For a second, he actually met the older boy’s eyes and Shiro was hit by the raw emotions drawn on the smaller boy’s features; shock, fear, rage, shame. “I found this last week. I know it, Keith.”

Keith closed off again. Shiro could see it by the reaction of his pupils and the little blink of his eyes. Honestly, he shouldn’t have expected anything else. Obviously, Keith hadn’t wanted him to know and his brother could be stubborn to say the least. Still, a part of him had hoped that maybe Keith would be relieved to finally have his secret known; that he would be glad Shiro found out on his own even if it took way too long.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”, Keith grabbed his clothes and hastily threw them over. Without getting out of his workwear, Shiro noticed. “I have to go, my shift is over.”

“Keith-“, he tried to grab him by the wrist but the younger boy jerked back.

“Just let it rest, Shiro!” And with that, Keith had shouldered his backpack and left through the back door.

Shiro wanted to follow him but in this very moment, the bouncer grabbed him and dragged him out of the dressing room and to the front door where he rudely kicked him out. Shiro could’ve fought back but he wasn’t here to cause trouble. All he wanted to do was to help Keith and take him back home with him.

The door slammed shut in front of his nose and he found himself in the cold alley once again. The shirtless cowboy seemed to grin at him and Shiro had to use all his will power to keep it together and not punch that stupid sign. This hadn’t gone well. He had to make Keith listen to him, but he had no idea how to do that without traumatizing the poor boy even further.

For now, he couldn’t do much. He had to give Keith time to cool off and showing up at his apartment -thanks to Matt, he had his address- wouldn’t help with that. At least, not right now. He had to wait until tomorrow. Holding onto the book tightly, he made his way back to the small hotel not far from here where he stayed at for the time of his visit. _Tomorrow_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments! I love you guys<3

Keith had no idea at which point he had started to run, but when he reached the bus stop, he was panting. He quickly sent a text to Kuron asking him to cover the rest of his shift before he entered the approaching bus.

_Get it together!_ Fortunately, the bus was pretty much empty apart from a few wasted students so nobody stared at him when he slumped into his seat.

He hadn’t heard from his big brother in months and having him stand in front him out of the blue had brought back certain memories that he would’ve preferred to forget once and for all. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Shiro. In fact, he wished to be able to fix their relationship, but he wasn’t sure that would be good for him. He had needed to get away back then and he wasn’t sure this had changed. But as the last two years had proven he was very well able to run from his problems.

Keith honestly hadn’t expected Shiro to show up, especially after he hadn’t even attended to the funeral. He hadn’t even been aware that Shiro had his address. He’d thought he had covered his traces well enough, but apparently he’d been wrong. Probably Matt had something to do with it. He and his younger sister were studying at the same university and he was Shiro’s best friend, after all. He should’ve known it would come to this sooner or later. Shiro never gave up on him and apparently not even his terrible reaction to the news of their father’s death could change that.

If he actually _knew_, on the other hand, this would explain why Shiro had showed up all of a sudden. In this case, Keith couldn’t speak to him. His past was his past and he had to live in the present. Otherwise, he wouldn’t know how to go on.

Not that his brother would understand this. He would want to talk and hug it out and drag him to specialists that would drug him and- no, he couldn’t do this. He was 19 years old. All he wanted to do was spending time with his loving boyfriend, his friends and in a few years finish his degree in astrophysics. He had moved on, buried all the bad memories and established a new life. The last thing he needed was having to deal with the problems of his past life.

Well, maybe Shiro understood after what happened today and would leave him alone and then, in a few years when everything had settled a little more and he could look at this part of his life more distanced and clinical, they could try and pick up their relationship again.

This was more wishful thinking than anything else and Keith knew it.

He hadn’t even noticed that he’d begun shivering. Deciding to lay the blame on having forgotten his jacket in the changing room, he pushed his hands deeply into his hoodie. He was soon to be home, anyway.

At half past ten, he entered their little apartment. It was nothing special but he liked it. It was only ten minutes away from the university and a bus ride of five minutes into the city.

The wall color that had been bright blue at some point was faded and had turned greyish over the years, but his boyfriend had done his best to cover it up by sticking posters and pictures all over the walls and skillfully placed decorations like flowers, candles and pillows at spots where the paint looked especially ugly. The kitchen was too small to prepare big meals which was a welcome excuse for him to eat junk food most of the time and despite the missing bathtub in the bathroom, it was more than enough for Keith. They had only one bedroom but since he and Lance were sharing the bed anyway, it didn’t truly matter. In the living room, they had a TV, a very comfortable armchair and a matching purple couch. There was no dining table since they usually ate in front of the TV and they saved space (and money) like this.

Keith let his backpack fall to the ground after he’d locked the door behind him. He was beat tired all of a sudden. Yawning, he dragged his feet into the bedroom where he wriggled out of his clothes including the leather shorts he hadn’t been able to strip off with Shiro being present. He didn’t even care to put on a Pajama before he let himself fall onto the bed, curled up on himself and threw the blanket over his shivering form.

He stared at the starless sky through the half drawn curtains as he lay there willing sleep to overcome him.

As he woke up the next morning, he found the early spring sun warming his face and brightening his room. When he looked out of the window, the sky was crystal clear and not one cloud was shadowing the view from the sea of endless blue. A good day.

Forgotten were the nightmares that had been the result of the painful memories being forced upon him again when his phone informed him about two unread messages from his boyfriend.

_Lance at 11:48pm: U still awake sweetheart? How was work?_

_Lance at 0:06am: Apparently u r already asleep. Hope you didn’t forget to eat. Love u and sweet dreams <3 <3 <3 _

Keith quickly answered the messages explaining that yes, he had eaten (which was a blatant lie) and that he had been tired and gone to sleep directly after work. This, at least, was true.

He helped himself to some toast since he still had more than enough time to his first lecture and put on his jogging trousers and sweatshirt. It had been some time since he had went for a morning jog for the last time, but today he felt like it. Lance was visiting his family for a few days because of his Mum’s birthday, so there was no one complaining about him not spending the morning in bed with them.

Running always cleared his head and after an hour, he actually felt his spirits raise. Twisted Sister was blasting through his headphones when he turned into his street again. Shortly before his door, he stopped dead in his tracks.

“What are you doing here?“

Surprised, Shiro turned around to face him. “I- Can we talk?”

“No.”, Keith passed his brother ready to close the door into his face.

“Please, Keith! It’s not even about the diary! It’s just- you’re the only family I have left!”

Keith froze. This made impact. He loved his brother and Shiro hadn’t done anything wrong. He couldn’t let him suffer for this. Stupid him and stupid diary! Knowing, he would come to regret this sooner or later, he turned around sighing. “Okay.”

“Great! Do you want me to come in or shall we go somewhere else?”

“Somewhere else is good. I know a small diner a few blocks from here.” His flat was too personal. He had to keep his past and the present apart for as long as possible. Besides, the diner had the advantage that he could leave if he wanted to. “Wait here, I’m going to change and get my bag.” He would go to university from there.

He knew it to be a mistake when he went upstairs to change into his black jeans and a worn out sweater from Lance that was way too big on him. He felt like a snail in its house as he looked in the mirror. Maybe he should just stay here and wait for Shiro to go away again. Well, or die of old age while waiting for it. Both options didn’t sound too bad right now. Groaning, he untied his bun before he grabbed his backpack and went back downstairs.

Of course, Shiro hadn’t left and was still standing exactly on the same spot where Keith had told him to wait.

“So…”, the older man began awkwardly falling into step next to Keith, “this is where you live, now?”

Keith bit back an _Obviously_ and instead settled for a simple “Yes.”. He was nervous and it was showing.

Fortunately, the walk to the café didn’t take long. It was the same small diner, Hunk was working at three days a week. Therefore, he and Lance spend much time there (they got their drinks 50% off) and the staff already knew his order. This morning though, Hunk was in a lecture and his girlfriend Shay covered his shift.

She smiled at him as soon as he entered with Shiro in tow. “Same as always?”

Keith managed to smile at her. “Thank you, Shay.”

“And the good-looking stranger?”

“Just water for me, please.”

“Take a seat, I will be with you in a minute!”, Shay smiled.

Shiro let Keith pick the table. He had pondered about how to approach his younger brother for the better part of the night and came to the conclusion that he had to go slow. There was no point in trying to force Keith to open up. As soon as he got out the diary, he would only close off again. So, as hard as it was, he had to hold back the burning questions that kept him awake for almost seven days now.

For now, he had to focus on regaining Keith’s trust. “I’m sorry for yesterday. I shouldn’t have tried to drag you off the stage. I was just shocked, I guess.”

“Well, what did you expect when you heard I was working in a strip club?”, Keith asked not impolitely, but rather confused.

“I honestly have no idea. But seeing these guys _perv_ after you was a little much for me. Last time I saw you, you were 17 and pretty much still a kid. Now, look at you, you’re a grown-up!” Even if Shiro wasn’t completely ready to accept this fact, yet.

Keith had to hide a smile. _Perv_. Sometimes his brother sounded so much older than his 24 years. “It’s okay.”

“Are you working at this… club every evening?”

“No, just two or three times a week. Except for the time around finals. Barely have enough time to sleep then.”, Keith thought it would be better if they got away from his stripper work. It was a job. Nothing more and nothing less, but it was obvious, Shiro didn’t think like it.

“Finals? You’re studying?”

Shiro looked genuinely surprised making Keith sigh. “Of course, Matt told you about me working as a stripper but not about my astrophysics study!” He would have to have a word with the older Holt sibling.

The older boy smiled sheepishly. “He didn’t want to tell me anything, but I was pretty convincing. He only told me where to find you. Said I had to figure out the rest by myself. Still, knowing that you are going to university and have a stable life _would_ _have_ reassured me.”, he made a pause waiting if Keith wanted to add something. When the smaller boy kept silent, he continued. “So, astrophysics, huh? I should’ve known it would either be the stars or hippos. Is that why you’re working at this club? To pay your study?”

Keith shrugged. It was only a job. “I wanted to be independent. The _Desire_ is paying well enough and this way I have enough time to study.” It had been logical to accept the offer.

“I see. But doesn’t it make you uncomfortable? I mean these guys are sexualizing you and using you as wanking material.”

The younger man laughed. “Do you think I wear this leather shorts out of fun? I know what I’m doing! Besides, people always sexualized each other. This way, I can at least make money out of it.”

“You know, if you need money, I’d be happy to-“

“I don’t want your money!”, Keith sounded a little sharper than he had intended to.

“Well, technically it’s not mine. Dad-“

“His I want even less!” He was a grown up. He had his own life. He’d freed himself from his past long ago, it hadn’t be easy but he’d ransomed his freedom two years ago. The price had been high, but now he was free and he wouldn’t give this up for anything.

Shiro wanted to say something but in this moment, Shay came with their drinks and a croissant. Keith raised his eyebrows at her when she placed the tablet in front of him.

“Since when does ‘the usual’ involve food?”

“Since I promised Hunk who had to promise Lance to make sure you don’t accidentally starve yourself. Again. Eat it, it’s free and I call Lance if you don’t!”, she ordered.

“Our friends have a bad influence on you.” As much as he loved his boyfriend, sometimes Lance was overdoing it. It was sweet, anyway.

“So, I take it you made friends?” Shiro smiled. His brother had always been a loner and he could recall several occasions where he had to drag him out of the house when they had been younger. Keith never had many friends and usually hung out with him, Matt and his ex-boyfriend Adam when he insisted on him needing some social interaction. That Keith had made friends willingly and on his own accord, genuinely surprised and delighted him.

“You could put it like this.”

“And do you starve yourself regularly by accident or…?”

Keith groaned. “It was just one time and they won’t let me live it down!”

Shiro laughed. That sounded like his little brother. For a moment, he felt relegated into the past when Keith had still slept in the room next to his and they’d watched the Spy Kid’s movies almost pretty much every weekend together. Before everything had changed. He swallowed. “I want to be part of your life again!”, he blurted out.

Well, that was a clear statement. Usually, Keith had no problem with such, but this had taken him by surprise and he didn’t know what to answer. He wanted Shiro to be part of his life again too, but that couldn’t go well forever. Sooner or later, Shiro would start asking questions he wouldn’t be able to answer. He knew his brother.

It wouldn’t be good for neither of them if something slipped. After all, it would change a lot for Shiro too and certainly not for the better. They had gone through enough already.

Then again, this was exactly the reason they’d always been closer than most siblings. It had been the death of their mother that had strengthened their bond in the first place. Shiro used to protect him in school from bullies and well, he’d occasionally threatened Adam to kill him if he hurt his brother. They used to inseparable. Would it be egoistic of him if he kept in touch with Shiro? Would it be egoistic if he didn’t?

“It’s okay. You don’t have to decide right now, but don’t think I’m going to give up easily.”

“Yes, no, it’s just that I- err- have to go. Lecture begins in twenty minutes and I don’t want to be late.”

Shiro smiled but Keith recognized the disappointment in his eyes. He hated to see his brother down but he really was lacking answers, right now. And he actually had to go. He put a few dollars on the plate with the uneaten croissant before Shiro could insist on paying for him and shouldered his backpack.

“Sure. We’ll continue this another time.” Shiro stood up as well pulling the smaller boy into a tight hug. He had wanted to do this for god knows how long and now, couldn’t even begin to describe how right it felt. Keith stiffened at first, then relaxed into the embrace. “I missed you!”, he whispered into his ear.

“Yeah, me too.”


	3. Chapter 3

„I heard you showed up at the Café with a hot stranger in tow. Should Lance worry?”, Pidge greeted him. She and Hunk had been waiting in front of the auditorium for him.

Keith huffed. “The hot stranger is my brother!”

“You have a brother?”, Hunk looked surprised.

“Yep.”

“How come we didn’t know?”

The dark haired boy shrugged. What was he supposed to answer? He couldn’t keep Shiro’s visit a secret, but he didn’t want to go into detail about it either.

“So, what’s his name? Is he here to visit you? What’s he like? Can we meet him?” Hunk was hooked immediately.

Keith didn’t like this one bit. It hadn’t been a good idea to bring Shiro into the Café were Shay was working at. This way he had lost control about the information spreading. He should’ve known how noisy his friends were and now, it was only a question of time until Lance found out about Shiro. “His name’s Shiro and we will be late.”

Pidge kept remarkably quiet during the conversation. Keith knew why and he was grateful for her not pestering him with questions.

“Fine, but you’ve got to tell us everything later!”

Keith didn’t tell him everything later. After the lecture, he fled out of the building before Pidge and Hunk could reach him. It was his only class today and he had the rest of the day free. Well, apart from the Essay he still had to write and this one group project… but this could wait. He needed time to think and make a plan.

It didn’t feel good to run from his friends like this, especially since it brought back bad memories and he felt like he was running away a little too often for his own liking.

He almost feared Shiro would be waiting in front of his house again, but much to his relieve there was nowhere to be seen as he turned into his street. When the door fell shut behind him, he felt better instantly. The calmness of his four walls was reassuring and he let himself fall onto the couch sinking into the cushion.

The diary was a problem. He could deal with Shiro’s question as for why he’d left and never come back despite knowing their father was dying of cancer. But having his brother know or, at least, _guess,_ that was too much. Eventually, Shiro would start asking question and that was something he wouldn’t be able to deal with.

But if Shiro actually knew (and even if not), he doubted older brother would just vanish again. _“I’m not going to give up on you!_” But why did he have to stick to his guns like this?!

Yes, he could insist on the diary being some twisted school project and all of this being fiction and nothing more, but he doubted _anybody_ would believe this. Even less his brother.

But what alternative did he have here? Run away once again and hope Shiro got the hint and wouldn’t search for him? Leave behind his new life and the boy he fell in love with because of a stupid book?! No, he couldn’t do that to Lance. Nor to Shiro for that matter. He knew how hard it had been for his brother because it had been just as hard for him. He didn’t want to hurt Shiro even more, but he feared it was inevitable, no matter what he decided to do.

Keith was almost relieved when the phone rang. Lance was on the other end of the line calling to scold him for not eating the croissant.

“It happened one fucking time!”, he groaned but secretly had to bite back a smile.

“Yes, because we keep out an eye for you since then! Besides, one time is more than enough!”

Keith grinned as Lance continued to lecture him. This was his life, not the diary and its content.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Shiro, in the meanwhile, had leaned against the headboard of the hard hotel bed as he studied his brother’s writing like he had done ever so often during the last few days. He knew every word by heart up to this point, but it still sounded so surreal in his ears. His first thought upon discovering had been that this could only be a bad joke. Only that it wasn’t as he’d come to realize soon enough.

The clear-out had been forgotten as soon as he’d opened the abandoned diary his brother had left behind after he run away. The crumbled pages and faded spots that indicated Keith had been crying when he’d written this, had caught his attention. Now, the words were etched in his mind and hunted him in his dreams.

He had been so blind! All the time, Keith had suffered right next to him and he hadn’t noticed! And when he ran away, he had barely searched for him too busy with taking care of his sick father. Instead, he had believed Keith wasn’t dealing well with the news of their Dad having cancer. Now that he thought about it, it had probably been the only possibility Keith had seen to break away from the abuse.

He stroked over the abrasive pages remembering the first time he had tried to make sense of the words his brother had written here.

_He did it again. He said he would stop but he didn’t. Can’t say I expected anything else but I thought, he would at least flinch from doing it with Shiro being home. Well, apparently I was wrong. _

_I have no idea how much longer I can stand this! What other choice do I have though? If I ran away, he’d search for me and bring me back and even if he wouldn’t do so, Shiro will. He would ask questions I wouldn’t be able to answer. Because how am I supposed to explain what our so called father is doing to me? How he is using me in a way I can’t even put into words? I wouldn’t even know where to begin and I honestly don’t want to either. It’d make it impossible to forget. Maybe it would be better if I vanished for good. Go to sleep and never wake up again. Or drown in the deep lake in the woods behind our house. _

_Well, I’m not actually _that_ far, yet. First, I want to kill the asshole for what he did to me! Then again, would this give a rise to questions I don’t want to answer. I don’t know why I’m not going to the police. I mean, there are like two dozen reasons I can think of but none of them actually feel like they’d _fit_. Maybe it’s the ‘admitting would make it feel real’ thing. It sounds right for me. Still, it’s complete bullshit! Besides, writing it here makes it already pretty real to me._

_Anyway, I should go to sleep but it hurts too much. We have P.E tomorrow, so either I skip school or I write myself a sicknote for gymnastic again We’ll see. I hope, I won’t accidentally wake up Shiro again because of a stupid nightmare. He’s already worrying about me and I can’t afford that._

Even though Keith didn’t explicitly say what kind of abuse he was experiencing, the indications had been clear enough for Shiro to understand. Plus, the next entries were more definite. It was still hard for him to believe their father had sexually abused his little brother. Still, the moment he had read this, he had known it was the truth. He had tried to deny it, of course; hoped that it was a misunderstanding and he was reading too much into the words of a sixteen year old teenage boy that was in a rebellious phase. But that didn’t conform the facts and he knew it.

He felt sick thinking about how much time he’d spent taking care of his ‘_father’_ while Keith had been out there desperately needing him. And even worse, he had blamed Keith for leaving them. He had vanished shortly after they got the diagnosis only leaving a short note telling them not to search for him. No explanation. Shiro had searched for him, anyway. He had called the police too but Keith had been almost 18 years old and apparently, they had more important things to do. Eventually, their father had told him to give up for now. He would come back eventually when he was ready for it. Only that he didn’t.

All the time, Shiro had thought it was egoistic of Keith to run away when they needed each other the most. It had been a few hard months. Not only did he have to worry about Keith, but taking care of your dying father after having already lost your mother, was no piece of cake either. So, while he could understand that the situation wasn’t easy for Keith, he had been disappointed too. Probably that was one of the reasons he had stopped searching eventually. He would never be able to forgive himself for that. He used to tell Keith he would never give up on him and he had genuinely believed that. And so had Keith. But he had broken that promise for the benefit of the man who’d raped his kid brother. To what kind of human being did this make him?

Whatever it would cost, he had to make up for it. He knew, his brother was lying to himself and that this couldn’t end well. Therefore, he was determined to help him accept his past and find a way to deal with it. In the end, he would do what he should’ve done two years ago. Keith would get back his life and he in turn, would get back his little brother. Hopefully.

He only needed a way to confront Keith with what he knew without making him run away again. He needed Keith to be ready to listen to him and he needed facts. About his life, his friends, the way it still affected his life. This was the only way to make Keith realize he couldn’t suppress the memories of his past any longer and needed help coping with what had happened to him.

Tiredly, he ran his fingers through his hair. It was going to be hard to get back the younger boy’s trust. Keith had always issues trusting people and now that he was guarded and suspicious and after everything he went through, it would be even trickier. The truly hard part would be to carefully guide Keith to the happenings that had made him run away from home though. He had no idea how to get there without losing him and not traumatizing the poor boy even further. Well, he would focus on the first part for now and take it from there.

He wondered how long he had to wait until he could contact Keith again without being too annoying. Did he have to wait a few days? But their conversation had gone well enough and after all, he had promised Keith not to let him off the hook too easily. Then again, he couldn’t wait in front of his door like some creep, all the time. He had slipped his phone number into Keith’s backpack this morning but he didn’t have Keith’s number, so he didn’t have the possibility of calling or sending a message which would come off less creepy and more casual. 

Shiro decided to give his brother a day. He would wait in front of his door again tomorrow and ask him for his number. If Keith didn’t want him to keep turning up at his doorstep uninvited, he would give it to him.


	4. Chapter 4

Like expected, Keith agreed to give him his number when Shiro showed up in front of his flat again. He looked tired with the dark circles underneath his eyes and his pale skin and Shiro wondered if this was his fault. Was his visit throwing him off the track? Did it bring up painful memories that caused nightmares?

When Keith didn’t immediately ask him to leave, he used the possibility to invite him for lunch which was hesitantly accepted. Keith agreed to meet him in front of the university after his lecture before he took his leave marching off towards the bus station. Shiro decided to count it as a success.

Keith, on the other hand, wasn’t too sure about it. He couldn’t avoid his brother forever and he didn’t want to either, but he still had to be careful. He only hoped, Shiro wouldn’t stay that much longer. After all, Lance would be back in a few days and it was better for all involved if the two never met.

In the bus, Keith checked his phone the second time this morning. He hadn’t heard anything of Lance since yesterday evening. For everyone else, this wouldn’t be unusual, but not for them. Normally, Lance would always text him as soon as he woke up in the morning and send him a good night message in the evening. Before they’d come together, he would’ve thought of it as annoying, but now he found that it was the cutest thing ever. Well, maybe he had slept in. No need to worry.

Hunk and Pidge headed him off in front of the lecture hall like usually. He couldn’t bite back a sigh when he noticed the worried look on Hunk’s face.

“Hey, man. How are you? You didn’t answer the phone yesterday.” Right, Hunk had tried to call him in the evening, but he had been too exhausted from the turmoil of thoughts that he had been busy trying to suppress.

“Right. Sorry, I was busy.”

“With whom? Your mysterious brother?”, Hunk wanted to know whereby they were on the one subject Keith didn’t want to talk about.

“No. Just reading the stuff my prof recommended. How was your date with Shay?”

“Good. We cooked together. If you want to, we have more than enough leftovers, so-“

“I don’t need anything!”, Keith groaned. It had happened one time! Dammit!

“Are we going to see you after your lecture?”

At least, he didn’t need to lie to get out of this. “Sorry, I promised Shiro to eat with him. You see, I eat!”

„Oh, I’d love to see Shiro again. I have so many questions!” Pidge had that evil grin on her face telling Keith that these questions weren’t exactly to his advantage.

“Maybe. I don’t know how long he is going to stay and usually, he’s pretty busy, so…” Keith couldn’t have them meet. It was the thought of his past and his present collide that was impossible to handle for him. If Shiro said something… He just couldn’t. “Anyway, have you heard of Lance today, already?”

The two exchanged a look Keith couldn’t interpret before they shook their heads simultaneously. “No, why?”

But before he could ask, his professor, Coran, came around the corner passing them. “Hello, Mr. Kogane.”, he greeted him before he entered the lecture hall and Keith quickly said goodbye to his friends following him. He would deal with them later.

During the lecture, Keith could barely concentrate. It wasn’t an uninteresting topic and certainly not an unimportant one either, but his head was too full of all the things he wasn’t thinking about. Fortunately, he still had a few months left until finals otherwise, he would be very much fucked. Hopefully, Allura would let him copy her notes from today.

By the time the lecture ended, he was yawning constantly. Insomnia had kept him up all night and once he fell asleep, nightmares had been plaguing him. Keith knew what this meant. It was coming back if he didn’t manage to push it back again into the small dark space in his mind that was reserved for everything that was related to his past.

Exhausted, he realized that not only he had to eat lunch with Shiro but he also had to work this evening. At least, tomorrow was Saturday and he could sleep in.

Shiro was already waiting for him in front of the sand-colored building of his university. Once he took notice of Keith, he approached him and pulled him into a tight hug. “Hey, buddy.”

It felt good. Shiro always made him feel safe and much to his surprise, this hadn’t changed. For a second, he closed his eyes and relished the gentle warmth the huge body gave off.

When he didn’t pull away immediately – he would’ve been too tired for that, anyway- Shiro tightened his grip on him and his nose was pressed into the older boy’s shoulder. Keith caught his breath when he was forced to inhale the mixture of shampoo, aftershave and coffee. It brought back the memory of him laying on his stomach, face pressed against Shiro’s jacket that he had forgotten in his room while his Dad was hovering over him slamming in and out of- he broke the hug. “Err, shall we go? I know you like Chinese and we have a nice small restaurant not far from here.”

“Sounds good.”, Shiro smiled. If he had noticed something was off, he didn’t comment on it for which Keith was incredible grateful. Instead, he followed the younger one who turned to leave the campus. He was just about to ask how his lecture was when a stranger suddenly called his little brother’s name.

“Keith!”

The younger boy turned around at hearing his name. Before he even had the chance to be shocked, Lance had rushed up to him and had him pinned against the wall. “Lan-“, he started but was cut off by a pair of lips pressed against his in a fierce kiss and before he had time to recover, there was a tongue darting out and slipping into his mouth.

For the split of a second, Keith forgot Shiro and all his concerns and closed his eyes submitting to his needs. He had really missed Lance, after all and it felt good to have him back.

It was the noise of Shiro clearing his throat that brought him back to reality and he broke the kiss. “Lance!”

The Cuban boy had gone over to plastering his neck and face with light butterfly kisses. “I. missed. You. So. Much!”, he got out between kisses.

“Lance-“

“I came back earlier to surprise you. And to get to know your brother Hunk and Pidge told me about! And? Are you surprised?” Finally, Lance broke away giving Keith space to breath.

“You could definitely say so and I guess, so is my brother.”

Lance’s eyes widened at that and he swirled around to face the older boy who looked more than a little put off. “Keith, why didn’t you say anything?! Oh my god, what a great first impression, right? Hi! The name’s Lance.”, he stepped forward to shake Shiro’s hand enthusiastically.

If Hunk and Pidge meeting Shiro would’ve been a collision of his past and present, Lance meeting his brother was a collateral damage. He tried to put on a smile, but it probably reminded more of a painful grimace. Luckily, the two didn’t seem to notice which gave him time to recover and put his poker face back on. He had to keep calm. Freaking out would only arise suspicion.

Shiro looked from Lance to Keith and back. He was surprised to say the least. It didn’t even shock him too much that Keith hadn’t told him about having a boyfriend, but the very fact that his brother was in a relationship and apparently a very sexual one no less. He’d thought that after everything that had happened this would be off the table, especially seeing that he had always been a pretty reserved guy that tended to be easily overwhelmed with emotions, both his own and the ones of other people. Then again, he wouldn’t have expected him to work as a stripper either. Maybe he didn’t know his brother as good as he had thought.

“Are you good, man? You look a bit pale.” Right. He had almost forgotten the Cuban boy who was standing in front of him still shaking his hand.

“Yes, I’m all good. Nice to meet you, Lance. So, you and Keith are-?”

“Yes, since almost a year now!”, he beamed at the older boy, “I’m sorry you had to see this. I visited my family for a few days and didn’t see Keith in almost a week, so…”

“No problem.”, Shiro smiled back. Despite the initial shock, he liked the guy. He seemed nice enough and maybe his positive attitude and affectionate personality were exactly what Keith needed. He just didn’t want to see them making out again even if the thought of Keith still being able to be that intimate with someone was comforting. “Do you want to tag along? We were just about to go out for lunch. Unless, of course, your plans changed.” He turned to Keith who seemed a tad more paler than usually.

“Uh, no, I’d very much like that.” Lie. “But what about Kosmo?” He asked, praying he didn’t sound too hopeful.

“Already went for a walk with him and fed him. He’s at home, right now, taking apart the couch.”, the Cuban boy grinned, “So, I’m free and I’d love to come along! I have so many questions!”

_Oh no!_ Not for the first time this week, Keith wished for a black hole to appear out of nowhere and swallow him.

“Well, I’ll gladly answer all of them. I think I have some of Keith’s old baby pictures if you should be interested-“

“Shiro!”

The older man laughed ruffling his brother’s hair. “Anyway, who’s Kosmo?”

“Our dog. Keith found him before we got together. Some idiot abandoned him when he was still a puppy.”, Lance explained, “Shall we go then?” He didn’t wait for an answer grabbing his boyfriend’s hand and marching off into the direction of the Chinese restaurant.

Much to Keith’s dismay, Lance and Shiro made Small Talk on the way. He really would’ve preferred them not getting along, especially seeing that he appeared to be their favorite topic. By the time they’d reached the restaurant, Shiro knew more about their relationship than Keith himself.

“At first, we didn’t get along at all. We had a rivalry thing going on that mostly, I have to admit, I made up. But then, we had a bonding experience in an elevator and two weeks later we were dating-“ Lance kept chatting while they took their seat at a table in a not so crowded corner in the restaurant.

“You taking the same as always, Love?”, he asked his boyfriend who simply nodded. This was a nightmare and Keith hoped he would wake up sooner rather than later.

It didn’t take long until the waitress arrived and they could place their orders.

Keith was on the verge of excusing himself to the toilet at least half a dozen times but he didn’t want to leave the two alone either. Who knew what would slip if he wasn’t there to interrupt them should it be necessary.

“So, how come we haven’t met, yet?”, Lance asked when their drinks arrived. Keith wished he could’ve ordered something alcoholic. He had never needed a drink more.

“Lance, I don’t think-“

“We have both been busy, I guess. You know, after our Dad’s funeral a few months ago, I was-“

“Wait a second, your father died?!”, Lance looked with wide eyes from Keith to Shiro and back again.

Shiro looked just as shocked as Lance. He hadn’t meant to tell Lance anything Keith didn’t want him to know. And it was logical, it really was. The fact that Keith had kept their father’s death a secret shouldn’t really surprise him. After all what he’d done, he doubted Keith was too keen on talking about him and he hadn’t attended to his funeral either. If he had told Lance about their father’s death, he would’ve needed to explain why he wouldn’t be going to the funeral either. He opened his mouth to stutter out an excuse or an apology, but Lance had already turned his attention to Keith who was a tad paler than before barraging him with questions.

“Oh my god, Keith! Why didn’t you tell me your Dad died? And when? I mean, were you even at the funeral?”

“Excuse me.”, Keith got out before standing up on shaky legs making his way to the bathroom. Well, this was the second worst thing that could’ve happened.

He had no idea how long he sat there in one of the stalls panting and trying to get his breath back under control. When had he started hyperventilating, anyway? Cold sweat had broken out on his forehead and his fingertips began to tingle due to the lack of oxygen.

The room around him was spinning and he buried his face into his hands_. In. Out. In. Out_. This was not the end of the world! Lance didn’t know anything! He was safe.

He knew he should probably go out there again, lie to his boyfriend about his father and make sure Shiro didn’t spell more by accident. But he couldn’t bring himself to leave. None of this was supposed to be happening!

Keith didn’t know how much time had passed but at some point Lance knocked at the door to the toilet stall he was in.

“Shiro is gone. He asked me to tell you he’s sorry.” Lance’s voice was worried. Not that this surprised Keith. His compassion and caring personality had been one of the reasons he had fallen in love with the Cuban boy after all. “Will you come out?”

Well, he couldn’t stay locked in the bathroom all day. Unfortunately.

“Are you okay?” Lance was all over him the second he left the stall. “I’m sorry, I-“

“No, it’s okay. I should’ve told you. It’s just-“

“Let’s talk about this at home, okay? I asked them to pack in our food and Shiro already paid.”

Keith sighed. _Home_ sounded great and this gave him more time to think of something to tell Lance. “Sounds good.”

“Good. Let’s go!”


End file.
